My marriage isn’t perfect. It’s hard. As my good friend says, we are in the “weeds.” This time is hard. Young children, bills, work, insurance, all on very little sleep –its tough. But I can honestly say, that life is wonderful.
Don’t get me wrong. I threw a scooter the length of my driveway this week in frustration. The baby has a black eye (from falling on the pool steps) and a broken radius and ulna (from trying to jump off of the couch). Things aren’t easy around here. And most days I feel like a failure. But my husband and I both share this one very pertinent idea. The goal. At work or at home, the goal can make all the difference.
Our goal is to be great. Not as individuals, but as a family unit. We want to be great as a family. We do not, I repeat, do not keep score. It’s easy to fight the fight in order to win. We all want to be right. Right? But at home or at work, if I am focused on winning myself or being right, I’ve missed the whole purpose. I’ve skipped the opportunity to leave the place better than I found it.
We all know those people. The ones who walk around looking for someone else to make a mistake. When they do, they get to point it out and be better than the wrong doer. Because they found the mishap. Shew. That feels awesome. But what purpose does it serve?
When our husbands go to a meeting or have dinner with friends – What do we do? Do we keep a running tally and wait for the moment to use it as ammo to get our own time away hanging it over his head to get what we want? When a co-worker drops the ball, what do we do? Do we use it to better ourselves and point out another person’s flaws?
I’ve been there. I’ve done it. And it is an empty journey. My husband is a good man. He loves God and us fiercely and leads us with strength and grace. When I see that he is struggling, do I show him grace?
The truth is I need him to show me some. On the days when I am struggling and he walks in the door, I need him to show me love and grace. I need him to say (without strings), “go take some time.” I need a jog. I need to go to the grocery alone. I need to wonder aimlessly around a discount shoe store. And I need that to come without judgement or strings. And so does he.
He does 85% of the laundry. Not once. Not one single time has he ever used that in an argument against me. Because our goal isn’t about winning separately. We want to win. But we want to win together.
Those shells are sharp. Each individual one was once its own complete shell. But over time they have broken and become only pieces of what they once were. If you look closely, they are hard. They are sharp. But as I walked across them, they were smooth against the bottoms of my feet.
Somehow, God takes millions of sharp pieces of shells and makes a fluid, smooth, place on which the bare human foot can easily tread. That doesn’t even seem logically possible. And yet, it happened.
If I had stepped on any one of those seperately, I would have likely winced in pain. But together, they are a beautiful blend of colors somehow woven into a blanket of smooth sand.
If I spend my time at home or at work keeping score, I am missing my opportunity to be a smooth piece of God’s bigger plan. And my children will have a sharp and rocky place to tread. And I am not willing to do that.
❤️ Shalom
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