I see all of these posts about moms who don’t need friends. They don’t need anyone outside of their families. And that is awesome. And amazing. But that’s not me.
Judge me. Shame me. But I need my girls. This is tricky. Because I don’t pretend to think that what I have is what every woman has. I am honest enough to understand that I have been blessed with a ridiculously special “tribe” of women. And I have undoubtedly the very best friends that any one could ask for. And I NEED them.
I need them to pull me out of myself. I need them to remind me who I am. I need them to laugh at me, with me, for me. God gave me women: women that were strong, faithful, resilient, funny, and loyal.
He knew that I would stumble and sometimes fall. He knew I needed friends to drag me out of my house kicking and screaming to remember my heart and my passion.
When I see those posts about women who don’t need friends I think, “you go!” But I also know that I need my women. A part of me wonders if those girls who don’t need friends are ok. I wonder if they have the same feelings I have about feeling lost and overwhelmed. Maybe some women don’t feel completely inadequate on a daily basis. I certainly hope so. I, however, feel like I failed, like I’m not enough, like I should have been more or done more every, single day. But I also know, all of our journeys are different.
But this girl, she needs her friends. God gave me these women through much pain and heartache. Heartache that I obviously would trade in a second. But when I stop to think about the richness and beauty they bring to me, my life, my faith, and my family, I realize why. Each one was brought to me to serve a purpose. And with each one I have a deep connection that has nothing to do with graduation dates, or kids’ birthdays, or convenience. These women feed my soul. They know my heart. They feed my spirit.
They remind me of who I want to be. They call me out when I am being bratty or selfish. They love me and push me to my limits. They carry me when I am down.
I wish all women had friends whom they feel a deep connection to. A friend they simply can’t live without. I can’t imagine a single breath without them. And the good news is that they support my purpose. We are all trying to be the best versions of wives and mothers that we can be. We don’t abandon our responsibilities to run off together when it’s convenient. They want me to be the best for my family. They want and expect me to be better.
We build one another up and hold one another when we are weak. These women tell me when I am wrong. They don’t allow me to fold. They hold me accountable when I am self-righteous or self-centered. And as hard as it is to swallow, they make me better. They make me a better mom, wife, and Christian. I might not always love what they have to say…but I can trust that these women love me enough to make me comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.
For all of the posts out there that state that there are women who don’t have close friends and for that they are thankful- kuddos. You rock. If you are able to juggle the insurmountable challenges of life without help, you are a Wonder Woman. I’ll gladly accept that I am not that strong. I need my girls. I honestly need them like air. And God knew that, which is why He wove them into my soul through heartache, pain, joy, and laughter. They are my breath. And I am certain God strategically placed each of them in my life to make me stronger and better for my purpose through Him.
I am humbled that He loves me enough to go to any length to surround me with beautiful souls that I probably don’t deserve. And I will never, ever celebrate the fact that I don’t need or want them. So much love and
Shalom,
A struggling woman. ❤️
You definitely find out whom your friends are when the chips are down. I thought I had friends but found out when I needed them most to come to my rescue, they weren’t there. Not even a peep. No phone call asking if I was ok, did i need anything. For 15 days in jail for something i did not do, not one red cent was given for a phone call or to have dollars to spend on commissary. I thought they were my friends. I had worked at a real estate office for 16 years, considered them as my second family, made them a lot of money, not even a phone call to see if I was ok or to tell me they didnt believe any of it. I am from a small town that everyone thinks they know everything and gossips and makes it even bigger. I grew up there and my real friends should have known and stuck with me. I was successful and could get things accomplished with a phone call but now I feel like a leaper in my hometown needless to say, home is home.anymore, I had to move. I could no longer take the way they looked at me out in public nor watch them try to avoid me as if they didnt see me. I have found that I only have 2 cousins that still speak to me, 2 gals that have watched this unfold and completely know the truth that have stuck with me even though the cops have tried to persuade them differently (the city cops are a part of this lie and are now trying to cover their butts before trial when the truth will finally be told. we even have the guys son willing to testify to his dad making the backpack and putting in my barn I am sorry I am rambling on with this, I know no one really cares. As the police chief said to me, if you run with dogs, you are going to catch fleas. Great compassion from an officer that takes as oath to serve and protect. I guess really what I was trying to say is that Like you, I also need my girlfriends. But I have learned through this, that I found two true friends and will never let anyone talk bad about me and call out of the blue just to say hi. I love you Gloria, Shianne, Amy and Donnie Sue. You will never know just how much you rescued me from my suicide because all 4 of you called me that day, one right after the other, as if you all knew what I was about to do. I never have told anyone this for fear they would lock me away. Being behind bars is scary, humbling, and surreal. It is a place I never want to be again. And I also have to thank the Lord my Saviour for getting me through that day. He spoke to me and for once I listened and I have been listening ever since. I needed someone to know the truth and could not gossip there is one other person whom has been there everyday to pick me up and that is my husband and youngest son. I thank them to for being there and showing their love and respect. I am sure my son hears awful things but has chosen to continue to love me and still call me Mom. My oldest son has a narcissist for a wife and she has put a spin in this that is unbelievably out if this world. But yet if you pull her record, she has done much worse. I dont know how she thinks she has the right to judge me. Only God can do that. Needless to say I haven’t seen my son or grandkids for a year and4 months. I am lost without them. there is a hole in my heart. Thanks for letting me vent I can hardly see to type from crying but I feel better just being able to write about it.
Thank you for your honest transparency. I can’t imagine your loss, but I do know loss. And I am certain that God is faithful, even when we think there is no beauty or good. I hope you are well and healing. Remember, He can bring beauty in the darkest of nights.